Monday, Nov. 22, 2004

.... I turn twenty tomorrow. ya hayati, I do not want to be twenty. That sounds too grown-up. I am still a lost little girl! I do not know anything! I have no business seeming grown up. Besides, habibi (see the last entry if you think I am referring to the long standing-diaryland one -- I am not.) says that I cannot be a twenty year old little girl, but, by the same token, I cannot see how I can be anything other than a little girl, so I'd just rather not be twenty at all.

He also said I was a lady even if I did not realize it .... which is an interesting concept and suggest that perhaps feeling and being are two completely different states, regardless of what the Romantics say.

In other news, I have decided to close this diary and start a new one. I may not feel like a twenty-year-old lady, but I know I am definitely not the starry-eyed sixteen-year-old innocent hopeless romantic that started this diary. I have not left her completely behind, but now I know what it is to French kiss, to be French kissed, (yum) to be buzzed, to be drunk (never again) to be subsequently hung-over (definitely only once, definitely a *mistake* and *definitely* never happening again), to make out, to break up, to pull an all-nighter, to be lost and found in Mykonos, to drink holy water at the Basilica of St. Dimitrus, and generally to be a reasonably self-sufficient college girl. I promised to write so many stories .... but I am not sure if I can write them here. Some, perhaps, such as the saga of my old love, should be written here, as I was this girl at the time ... but as for things now, they need to be somewhere else.

I'll lock that diary, just because I'll feel better that way, but if you are on my buddy list/know me/are a random non-stalker person, leave me a note here or sign this guestbook, include an e-mail address, and I will probably e-mail you the password, as I keep few secrets, and most of them are only from myself anyway.

If, subsequently, I decide that I won't have the time for a new *diary*, I'll pass on my livejournal information to (mostly) anyone who is still interested in keeping up with my life to some extent.

and so, au revoir.

-- Warda

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